Thank you for not smoking

This past weekend, I was once again shocked and flabbergasted by the events at the depressed-old-man's bar I frequent. Let me start from the beginning...

Two or three weeks ago, can't remember which, I went out with my good friend Kel Varnson to drink a pitcher (or two) and dart it up. We go to the same place all the time. I don't want to name the bar because since I have so many readers, I don't want all of you to go there and ruin it for us.

In any case, back to the story. So, we were there playing darts and talking and all of a sudden our home was invaded by what it seemed like were thirty kids coming from prom, probably from Shaker HS. These kids thought it would be alright to start smoking - in our bar.

One cigarette -- whatevs. Two cigarettes -- OK, this is starting to get annoying. Third cigarette -- enough...So I called over the bartender and said, calmly, "The cigarettes are bothering me." She seemed pretty surprised at my statement, so I said it again. She proceeded to ask me if I wanted the kids to stop smoking. "Well, actually it's against the law to smoke in a bar."

At that point, Tweedle-dum bartender yelled out, "Excuse me, everybody. This gentleman (pointing at me) has a problem with the cigarettes. Take it outside."

Way to handle it, moron.

Thank goodness it was a tame crowd. I am not a fighter, but even I could tell that I could have taken any of those kids on. Plus, Kel is a pretty big guy so he probably would have scared off any competition.

Due to deadlines at work, I had not had the opportunity to return to the depressed-old-man's bar with Kel until last night. I was secretly worried about the prom kids coming back, I figured I could deal with the smoking situation.

We arrived and it all looked good - it was us and three other people. But, lo and behold, the bartender --- yes, the bartender --- was smoking and she had the balls, I mean ovaries, to ask me, "Do you mind if I smoke?" And I proceeded to remind her that it's illegal to smoke in bars. I also asked her if this smoking situation was going to become a regular activity, because I would hate to have to find somewhere else to spend money.

And of course, I was the grinch once again. The non-smoking patrol. I really could care less, though. If you know me well you know that I very rarely stand up for myself and that I avoid confrontations at all costs. It's mostly because I don't interact well with people, and also because when I stand up for myself I weirdly feel like I am imposing on someone else.

Not with the cigarettes though. I stood up on that twice in a row now. And it felt good. Plus, it's the friggin' law.