Airplaney additions to 399 State

Christmas was last week, and I am already stressing out about what to get people next year. That's how desperate the gift idea drought is in my mind. I'm not joking. I almost bought my mother a hermit crab this year. I was there, they were getting the crab, the dude was dumping sand into the crate. Only the slightest of cracks on the crate enabled me to back out of the transaction and electroshock me back to cohesive, logical thought.

For everyone that bought me gifts, it had to have been much easier. If it is airplane or airplane accessory related then you're golden. Here's a rundown of all such aviation goodies I received this holiday season:

Christmas Eve I got this surprise...

Yup, that's a "Boarding Pass," but not the one you get on a plane with, but rather, the one you drink. A contributor to the site located this gem in Queens. And, look, it even has a luggage tag and safety instructions. Neat-o!

I have no idea where two of the Capitol Region's finest found this...

I even think it matches the shirt and tie they got me!

And look at this Hallmark Christmas tree ornament...

It's going to a home full of new friends.

I also received a remote-control helicopter. Unfortunately, it received icorregible damage on the afternoon of it's maiden flight. RIP.

Thanks everybody for these and all the other non-airplane gifts I received. Happy New Year!

Un Argentino en Nueva York...Times

One of my projects for next year is the selection of four members of the New York State Board of Regents, which is the State's education policy board. The first step of this project was pretty elementary: place an ad to let people know that we are looking for new Regents.

As the contact person for this search, my name appeared in the ad, which, among other places, ran in the Sunday New York Times.

THE! NEW! YORK! TIMES!

Yessir, this Argentino, from Mendoza, who grew up in Las Heras, was born in Godoy Cruz, attended San Luis Gonzaga, and played in acequias had his name in the New York Times.

When I heard that such a prestigious opportunity was going to present itself, I said to my boss, "I always knew I would be in the Times, I just figured it would be in the police blotter."

We are all Algerians

In these harsh economic times, I can ill afford to alienate any part of my readership because I cannot risk losing any of my advertisers. I love you, Advertisers. Anyway, I bring all of this up because last week I may have inadvertently pissed off the People's Democratic Republic of Algeria.

During the course of my analysis on African flag carrier color schemes, I commented on how "I don't even know where Algeria is" and how Air Algerie's tail design is too "cliche." This apparently has been the talk of the nation. Their equivalent of "Countdown", called "Let us Recount the Stories that Algerians Will be Conversing About Whilst at Our Place of Labour on the Morrow", listed my characterization of their national airline's tail design and my general geographical apathy as the number one story.

For all this heartbreak, I sincerely apologize. However, I ask for a moment to explain my statements. First of all, if this blog is being taken seriously by anybody out there, then that is a serious problem. I would conservatively estimate that about 85-88 percent of the posts here are either made up or grossly exaggerated.

Second, you cannot expect to have a cliche color scheme and then be offended when it is pointed out. If anybody doubts the objectivity of my analysis, then consider that I even voted down my own country's national airline in the final - against one of our archrivals of all things.

Third of all, of course I know where Algeria is. It's right there.
But, I feel bad, tisk tisk. And to compensate, I will give some space, free of charge, to Air Algerie on this prestigious site. (<-- example of gross exaggeration) And let's relax for a minute and remember that before all those mean comments about their tail design and lattitude and longitude, I actually said that Air Algerie sported " good-looking plane[s]" and had a "fancy red/white livery." Why must we always focus on the negative?

Well, to show that I am the bigger person in all this, I will say another nice thing about Air Algerie: it was the first airline in Africa to adopt e-tickets, thereby eliminating paper waste.
Are you still mad at me, Algeria?

De-fense! (clap, clap) De-fense! (clap, clap)

As I pointed out earlier this month, defense is too gentle a word to describe some of the techniques employed by the ladies in our lives. I likened it to an airplane (me) facing anti-aircraft artillery (her).

And this is what it looks like:

For stat junkies out there (especially those with pulled groins), her save percentage is .987. Not too shabby. "What a save by Beals!" "Glove save, Beals!" "Another brilliant shutout..."

Isn't she cute?

Africa Regional

Wow, it has been a long, long, LONG time since I did one of these. I'm not sure if I am going to remember all that wit and charm that I used to employ on these Color Scheme brackets, but I guess we're just going to have to find out, aren't we?

Today, we are headed to Africa...a continent that is at times rife with conflict and poverty, but beautiful nonetheless. I was there last year 'round this jolly time of year.

But today we will settle once and for all which African national flag carrier has the best color scheme - the winner, of course, advancing to the Final Eight.

I did some minor preliminary vetting to get our field down to 16 participants. Look, I'm one person. The day I hire somebody to manage this blog for me, then I'll go through every friggin' country, OK?

Anywho, there will be two 8 airline brackets. Seeding was determined by population size. Here we go...on to Round 1 in Bracket 1...

#1 Virgin Nigerian Airways v. #8 Tunisair: I was somewhat shocked and dismayed to see that Nigeria's national airline had collapsed in 2003 and that this UK-backed alternative was the national flag carrier. Frankly, I'm not impressed. It's the Virgin Atlantic color scheme with green highlights. You can do better, Virgin. Tunisair is unimpressive, and actually embodied every stereotype I had coming into this bracket with the impala-like creature on the tail. In this match, though, that's enough to move on. Winner: Tunisair.

#2 South African Airways v. #7 Air Senegal: I don't like it when this happens - two basically white-based liveries with crazy tail designs. I am a fan of the boomerang "S" on Air Senegal, but, still, there's too much white on there. The tail on South African Airways is very eye-friendly, but it's clear from the get-go that if they are going anywhere, it's on the strength of that and that alone. Winner: South African Airways.

#3 Sudan Airways v. #6 Air Madagascar: OK, now we are getting some interesting variety here. Unfortunately, it's too distracting. What is the deal with that sharp directional change on Sudan's fuselage? Why? The colors themselves are not necesarily problematic, but the change in direction is too distracting. Air Madagascar was surprisingly pleasant. The have the Thai model going on with the white-based scheme and rear color splash. Not bad. Winner: Air Madagascar.

#4 Royal Air Maroc v. #5 Air Algerie: This is the toughest battle yet, and it's fitting since it is the 4/5 match-up. I thought that Royal Air Maroc was a darkhorse candidate to win this because they are a fairly large and successful airline. On the other hand, I don't even know where Algeria is. Boy was I surprised to see that good-looking plane and that fancy red/white livery. This is a tough call, but I the tie-breaker is the tail design. RAM's shooting star caught my attention immediately and Air Algerie's is too cliche. Winner: RAM.

Now, for Round 2 in Bracket 1...

#2 South African Airways v. #6 Air Madagascar: What I like here about the South African jumbo is that the tail design fits perfectly into the winglet. That's classy. Is Madagascar even part of Africa? My peeps are checking into it now, until further notice, I can't advance them in the tournament. Winner: South African Airways.

#4 RAM v. #8 Tunisair: It's not that the Tunisair tail design is bad. It's just that it looks weird running up the tail like that. Sorry, but it's true. Winner: RAM.

And the Bracket Final...The winner of this match will face off with the winner of the second bracket for the honour to represent Africa in the Big, Big, BIG Dance...

#2 South African Airways v. #4 RAM: I said it once, I'll say it again. South African was going to live or die by the tail design. Unfortunately, it's death for them. Ok, it's a good design, but RAM is not a pushover. RAM has pleasant colors, a very captivating tail design, and the Arabic writing to give it that mystique. Beyond the tail design, South African is too...blah. Winner: RAM.

Now I remember why I stopped doing these - they're exhausting.

Ok, Bracket 2, Round 1...Let's roll...

#1 Ethiopian Airlines v. #8 Air Namibia: What a shocker? Namibia is another country I never would have expected to have had such impressive aircraft. This officially becomes the toughest decision yet. Ethiopian has bold lettering, which I am a big fan of. I think that the downfall of Namibia is, once again, the cliche bird figure on the fuselage. A hearty pat on the back to Namibia, though. Winner: Ethiopian Airlines.

#2 Egypt Air v. #7 Cameroon Airlines: Egypt Air is one sexy beast. It's a very compelling combination of white-based fuselage with the right highlights. And the eagle head on the tail is reminiscent of AeroMexico. Hey, remember that AeroMexico rode that to the championship. Cameroon, cute Cameroon, has interesting lettering, but again, falters due to the wow factor. What would make you look twice at that plane? Exactly. Winner: Egypt Air.

#3 Air Tanzania v. #6 Air Zimbabwe: Apparently, Zimbabwe hired the same people as the Sudanese to paint their planes. That change in direction is so god-dang annoying and distracting. Thankfully, Air Tanzania has merit and probably would have advanced in this match anyway. Zimbabwe and Sudan look more like some sort of post modern art that you would see in the Guggenheim than the official aerial envoy of their nation. Winner: Air Tanzania.

#4 Kenya Airways v. #5 Linhas Aereas Mocambique: Sorry, Kenya. You had a good idea but I can't get past the circle K. It's too, Mobil gas station. It's also a bit presumptous since there are many other countries that begin with the letter K. In fact, the whole design is presumptous, including the "Pride of Africa" painted on the fuselage. It's too bad, really, because the rest of the design is actually captivating. LAM is decent. What's most striking is the interesting take on the bird feature. Even though, in actuality, I am becoming quite bored with bird imagery. We get it, planes fly, birds fly. Get over it everyone. Winner: LAM.

Wow, far fewer upsets in Bracket 2...Let's go to Round 2...

#1 Ethiopian v. #5 LAM: It was a good, albeit short, run for LAM. This match-up was won on the lettering. The tail-designs, for me anyway, were a tie. In the end, the LAM logo on the fuselage was a little to amateurish for me. Winner: Ethiopian.

#2 Egypt Air v. #3 Air Tanzania: I don't know if I have ever had such a sudden change of heart. I have always had a soft spot for Egypt Air, but in an instant a feeling came over me telling me that Air Tanzania IS Africa. That giraffe running with the herd must have done it. Seriously, isn't wildlife what we all think of when Africa comes to our minds? Plus, look closely at the top of the tail - you can see a representation of the snowy top of Kilimanjaro. Upset city, baby! Winner: Air Tanzania.

Now, the Bracket Final...the winner takes on RAM for continental bragging rights.

#1 Ethiopian v. #3 Air Tanzania: The more I think about it, Ethiopian is the South African Airways of this bracket. Both are inherently pleasant color schemes. On the other hand, both are one-dimensional. From the get-go, the appeal of Ethiopian has been the bold lettering. That can only take you so far. Air Tanzania has that and more. Winner: Air Tanzania.

Time to decide the continental representative to the Big Dance. Who will carry Africa's hopes to the grand championship? I don't know, let's find out...

#3 Air Tanzania v. #4 RAM: In many ways, these color schemes are very similar. They both are essentially white-based. Each has a traditional tail design. In another sense, it is not surprising that we have a representative from the northern muslim part of Africa and sub-Saharan Africa. It's your typical upstate/downstate battle. How could I possibly find a winner without upsetting one entire region of the continent? I cannot, that's why it is important that I make these important critical decisions for the rest of us. I blathered earlier about the imagery of the wildlife on Air Tanzania. Along those lines, should RAM be punished for hailing from a less well known part of Africa? Probably not. But then again, it is undeniable that if you were to ask a representative sampling of people, most would point to wildlife as one of the most distinguishing features of the entire continent. That same sample would probably also point to Mount Kilimanjaro as another important African symbol. Both are featured on Air Tanzania. Seems like the Tanzanians boxed me in. Winner: Air Tanzania.

Bucket showers for everyone!

X marks the spot

Suddenly my current version of flight sim (Century of Flight, 2004) does not seem good enough. Check out these screen shots from Flight Simulator X. (The rest of the screenshots are here.)

I don't care what you may think of me, but that Airbus is damn sexy. It's a huge upgrade on the liveries by the way. My version has a similar design, but it is less sharp than this.
I can see my house from here.As you can see from the taxiing aircraft below, they made huge improvements to the airports by adding actual gates and airport vehicles. I never realized how crappy my airports were until I saw this. Damn you, Microsoft for making a better product just after I started using the last version of it! (Pop Quiz: What airplane cockpit is displayed below? -- There will be a prize for the winner.)Look at this in-flight view. Again, what a sharp color scheme that is.By the way, I found out how to get a pushback from the gate on the game. Before, I relied on turning on the thrust reversers, which is highly unrealistic. Now, I simply press Shift + P and voila!

It's amazing the things you can learn by Googling random stuff like that.

The fine line between being nice or stupid

One of my father's mantras was that it is important to be nice, but not stupid.

Very simple words, but powerful nonetheless. Essentially, it is a lesson in personal worth. While it is important to be a nice person, you also have to be careful not to be taken for an idiot. He would most often say this when it was incumbent upon him to let somebody in ahead of him in traffic. We've all lived through this situation, right? Picture yourself on Wolf Road, or College Avenue, or Avenida San Martin in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic. There are dozens of cars hoping to get onto those major streets from the various parking lots and whatnot.

Of course, the civil thing to do is to let a car in ahead of you every now and then. Especially in Argentina, when you let that one car in ahead of you, the three cars behind the one you let in suddenly think that they have a free pass, too. Not so fast, would say Bob, "Soy bueno, pero no soy estupido."

But this mantra can be so much more meaningful than just a traffic flow paradigm. It can apply to work, friends, and relationships. And, as I said above, I think it is clearly a matter of personal worth because you have to be strong enough to realize that no matter how nice you are to people, eventually they may try to take advantage of it. So, the key question becomes, when do you draw the line? At what point do you stop being nice so that you are not being taken for a fool?

It is not as easy as you may think. I would say, for the most part, that I am a reasonably nice person. Sure, I curse out other drivers from my car, I make fun of people, I laugh at things that I probably should not laugh at. But, I don't hit people or yell at them. I'm not like an altar boy, but I'm also not Marilyn Manson. As a camp counselor, I would "punish" misbehaving campers by making them write essays - harmless, right? So, in the grand scheme of things, I would say that I am probably "nice."

At the same time, I would also say that, after thinking of my father's saying recently, that I have also very frequently in my life crossed into the "stupid" side of the continuum. Take a for instance that I just thought of: I was walking out of Price Chopper last month and this organization was selling random crap to fundraise. I was unable to just say "No" to their appeal and walk away. Instead, I got a worthless $10 water bottle that does not even work right. Yes, a water bottle that does not work.

This may seem like a "nice" moment. "Aw, he supported [insert good cause here.]" First of all, no shit that it was a good cause, it's not like the Nazi party can set up a table outside Price Chopper. Second of all, it's not like I can afford a $10 water bottle. I wouldn't have a use for it even if it worked. Verdict: estupido.

But that was an easy example. I think it is more precise when you are being stupid in situations like that. It is less clear to discern being nice from being stupid in your day-to-day interactions with people, especially people that you have built a relationship with. For example, I had a good friend in high school - my debate partner, actually - who suddenly stopped communicating with me. Then, when he flew home from college on winter break one year, he called me and asked me to pick him up at the airport - which for me at the time was an hour and a half drive, in snow mind you. I agreed and gave him a ride.

Then, after he ignored me the rest of winter break, I realized what a jackass I was. That is the type of stand that my father's saying suggests. I would never ever have thought twice about picking up a good friend from the airport - in fact I would have been happy to do so. On the other hand, I would never ever have picked up a random stranger, either. It is the peripheral relationships that are dangerous because when people realize that you are stupid, they will run over you like a herd of bufa...buffa...buffo...bison and not give a damn about it.

Look out world. I'm done being a nice idiot. Wise words from the old man.